The Detour

Two weeks ago we saw two little faces of children that have already been adopted.  These two little faces needed another home.  The only thing we knew is that they "accidentally" replaced the birth order in the home causing some sort of distress. They both have an attachment disorder and really needed a home and a safe place to heal.  We were convinced that that home was ours. Thus, the two week detour from our paperwork frenzy to get the dossier out to Ethiopia.  But sadly, the parents wanted the kids out ASAP and so they chose a family that lived closer so the process would go much faster.  We were never given a chance.  It hurt and it was extremely difficult to read the words from the adoption counselor, "it's done, it looks like both families will move forward".  

However, we have learned so much during this time.  I was excited to see how God was moving with these two children and how he was obviously moving to get them home to us.  I couldn't believe I was a part of such a miraculous story!!   God did move and He moved the way He wanted to because well, He's God and He can, so there.  Surprisingly I WAS a part of a miraculous story.  This story is so much different than "getting these kids home to us".  This is a story of my heart.  How I can, on one hand say I'm miffed at how all this turned out and it's not fair (saying this to God) and on the other hand feel His peace and know what it's like to truly have the peace that passes all understanding.  For the first time in a long time I didn't throw a mental temper tantrum, I can stay cool and calm on the outside but let me just tell you how ugly I can get on the inside.  Scary stuff.  I have also learned that He says no because He loves us.  Because He created us and knows how we tick and what is going to be the best for us. AND what will bring Him the most glory.

One thing I'm really thankful for is how He has opened our eyes to waiting children.  I might step on some toes with this next thought, but understand, it's just my thoughts and my journey to discover what God wants for me, for my family.  Here we were, working on paperwork, getting ready to send our dossier to Ethiopia to WAIT and be matched with a child that would be (hopefully) a perfect fit for our family.  When we discovered the Second Chances Waiting Children list it opened up a world of thousands of children from all over WAITING for a family to choose them.  Waiting children have paperwork ready to go, ready to be adopted, children that no one seems to want.  Most of these kids are older.  They are labeled "special needs" because they are older or have a sibling.  Nate reminded me last night that there were five families in line for these two little faces.  There is no one in line for these other waiting children.  We are taking it slow, praying fervently for God to direct us to the child/ren that need us the most.  

Where we've been on this journey so far....

I couldn't have said it better myself. These last couple of weeks have been hard, to say the least.


www.nomtwords.blogspot.com

click on the entry titled, Holding the Hand of a Stranger


P.S. I can't figure out how to make the above a link right to his blog, but right now I just don't care.

Roller Coaster Ride

We have been on a very hilly, fast turning and at times, slow moving, herky-jerky roller coaster ride with surprises or disappointments around every turn ever since we began this adoption journey.  It hasn't been easy but I can't imagine not being on this crazy ride.  I'm giddy with anticipation wondering who is meant to be in our family.  I'm worried about attachment issues.  I'm worried about what this child/ren have suffered.  I love the idea of being a mommy again.  I'm honored to be a part of something bigger than myself and being the hands and feet of Jesus.  I'm frustrated with not knowing when we will finally find our child/ren and get them home.  I'm angry that international adoption costs so much.  I'm completely discouraged at how slow the money is coming in.  Yep.  Roller coaster.  Big time.  However, I'm determined to trust and not let my feelings get the best of me.  One thing I do know, it will happen.  Somehow.  Someway.  We are praying for miracles and that God will completely blow our minds during this process.  This is how you can pray for us as well.  So for now we will keep putting one foot in front of the other and work our tails off until our child/ren is/are home.