A Minor Set Back and Things I've Learned

We found out a couple of weeks ago that MOI lost our son's birth certificate.  Ugh.  It's a common occurrence but that doesn't soften the blow.  I had a very bad week last week.  We are praying so hard that we can get him home before his 5th birthday on May 14th.  Our hearts desire is to not let another birthday go by without all of us together.  It's starting to look as if it's a real possibility that it won't work out that way.  We continue to trust in God's timing.  We know, without a doubt, that He knows what He's doing and there is a peace with that.  I used to equate sadness and disappointment with lack of faith.  However, I can still have faith AND feel sad.  I'm human with built-in emotions so it's only natural that I feel discouraged with how things are going.  That is just one of the things that I have learned on this journey. Here's a list of the others:

1.  Throwing a fit over not getting what I want does NOT change God's mind nor does it help any situation. 

2.  Because of my revelation in number 1, I have a closer walk with the Lord AND I still don't have what I want.  Something only He can do.  :)

3.  It's important for me to be disciplined.  Sleeping in until the last minute only encourages a spirit of grogginess in my soul and lack of motivation.

4.  For me, exercise is really important. Instead of sleeping in until the last minute, I get up at 6:30 to help Nate and Kaitlyn out the door and then I exercise.  I actually love it now and miss it when I can't fit it into my day (this my friends, is a miracle!).  I feel great physically and mentally.

5.  Eating right is a must.  Comfort eating was only dragging me down and it did nothing to change the waiting process of this adoption.  Imagine that.    I control what I eat.  I have lost weight and have tons more energy and motivation.  Most of the time.  Hey, I'm human.  

6.  I learned that I can't fret over the people in my life that have hurt me or have seemed to turn their back on us.  God has shown me who is in our corner, cheering us on, and supporting us and He wants me to focus on them.  

7.  I have learned that my kids are amazing.  They have grown so much as they wait for their brother.   They teach me so much everyday.

8.  I love my husband more now than ever.  He is wonderful.  He is my best friend and I can't imagine going through this life without him by my side.  God has blessed me richly.

9.  I have learned what it feels like to have a child living across the ocean, waiting for us to come get him and how heart wrenching that is.  It hits us like a ton of bricks at times, when we least expect it, but God is enough to soothe away the ache.

10.  Cleaning house, a.k.a, myself, is hard work and doesn't feel great.  God has been so gracious to stir up some of the muck in my soul so He can help me get rid of it all.  I will be a better wife and a better mom to all four of my kids.  

11.  Everyday is a gift and I look for all the blessings, they are everywhere.  When you look, really look, you'll be overwhelmed by His desire to give you good things.  

12.  My parents are the best.  I'm thankful for them and what they have done for us all throughout this journey and to see and hear the excitement when we talk about their newest grandson just touches my heart.  I love them so much.

That is just a few of the many things I have come to realize or learn and I can't wait to see what else God wants to teach me.  I have a feeling I will learn MANY new things once Claudy comes home.  ;)  I better hang on tight for the ride!

Please pray we get that new birth certificate soon so we can get back on track!  Thank you!!

To My Son

Dear Claudy,

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table waiting for dinner to be done.  Outside the snow is falling and I'm thinking about you.  I wonder how you will react to your first sight of snow.  Will you even want to venture out and play in it with your siblings?  This is one of the many, many, things I dream about when you come home.  

I'm thinking of you and your sweet little boy-ness.  I remember how goofy and funny you were while your daddy and I were visiting you.  You loved the stickers we brought you.  We cracked up laughing when you grabbed a hat sticker, stuck on the top of your head and did a crazy dance while saying, "chapo".  You taught us yet another creole word.  We still laugh when we talk about how every time daddy used the punching balloon, you always did jumping jacks to the rhythm.  You are so delightfully silly!  Daddy and I always imitate the way you would close one eye half way and had this crooked grin…..we never really new why you did that, but you knew it made us belly laugh so you did it a lot! :)  I hope that when we bring you home you will still sing your sweet little song for us, "day la la, day la la!"  

We still have so much to learn about you, little man, and there is so much growing and bonding that needs to take place in our home.  There will be hard times as well as beautiful moments we will cherish as a family.  I want you to know that we are ready.   All five of us are ready for you to join this family.   To be there for you in every way possible.  Our home will be a place of love, laughter, security, healing…..etc.  I look back to when I was so upset and sad over how long this process was taking.  I naively thought that things would go quickly for us, without a hitch.  HA!!  Was I dead wrong.  I would have not been ready to be the momma I needed to be if it went my way, on my timeline.  Also, we wouldn't have you, my son.  You were so worth the wait.  We are yours.  Our hearts dream of the day you come home.  We love you with all our hearts.

Love,

 Your Momma Blanc   

Jwa Nou

I felt that it was high time I changed the header to this blog.  Those of you following us from day one of our adoption journey, know that we started out with Ethiopia.  The old header said, "Desta", pronounced de-set-ah, means, our joy, in amharic.  The header now says, "Jwa Nou", pronounced, zshwah-noo, means, our joy, in Haitian creole.  It only makes sense to change it.  ;)   

We are feeling joy over the movement in our process.  We will be in MOI soon, which is another MAJOR step in movement for us.  It seems to be going faster than we anticipated.  I think.  Every time I think this, I'm usually wrong.  So, really, only God knows.  :)  We can't wait to get him home.  We can't wait to start the transition.  We know that the hard part really hasn't started yet, but we are ready to roll up our sleeves and get this party started!! 

Keep the prayers coming! 

Love Will Grow

Love will grow

Do you trust me
little boy?
When your merry eyes
seemed dimmed with dreaming
do you grieve?
In their troubled depths
lie memories
of other mothers -
this I know
Do you trust me
little boy?
Realize that after me
there will be
no other Mothers -
that for this human measure
of "forever"
I am yours
Trust me first
my darling...
Love will grow.
- Grace Sandness -

The original poem says "little girl", but I changed it, obviously, because of our little man.  This author, so beautifully put into words, what I could not.  

A Piece of Our Hearts…..

January 5th will forever be etched in my heart.  We arrived in Haiti.  Found the orphanage director holding a sign with our name and in a flurry of activity we were loading up our luggage in her car and on our way.  We had no idea if we were headed to her house to unload and unwind a bit or straight to our little boy.  Communication was difficult, to say the least.  We learned quickly that driving in Haiti is a chaotic, herky-jerky adventure, although we never felt unsafe, the driver was very good.  We also learned that there is absolutely no road rage in Haiti which is very refreshing.  

Okay, wow, got sidetracked there.  Anyway, we had no idea where we were going until we stopped outside a gate.  The driver honked and someone came and opened the gate for us.  I immediately recognized that we were at the orphanage, based on pictures we have.  After we unloaded our luggage (not safe to leave in a car) we stood there for maybe 5 seconds before a door was thrown open by Claudy (kloe-dee).  He came barreling down the stairs right towards us, gave us high fives and promptly started showing us what was in his bag he was bringing for his stay with us.  I was speechless, it felt so surreal that I was finally face to face with this precious child.  He was so outgoing and sweet!  He then helped himself to our luggage and gave them a thorough check. :)  It was at that moment Nate handed him his white hat and to this day, Claudy still wears it.  

It was time to go to the director's house, so we climbed in the car.  Claudy was flip-flopping all over the place because of the driving so I drew him close to me with my arm around to hold him steady.  My heart soared when he willingly settled in and let me hold him.  After about 15 minutes, we were both a sweaty mess so Nate took over, again, Claudy willingly settled into Nate's arms.  We were in tears.

The next few days were a combination of getting to know our son, going to the Embassy to file a form for immigration, going to two courts and visiting the orphanage.  There were wonderful moments of bonding and falling in love and then, not so wonderful moments because we missed naps or communication was shoddy or simply because he's four.  ;)  All in all, we know without a doubt that he is our son.  We still have a lot to do, a lot to plan for and find our new normal once he's home.  One thing we do know for sure is that we miss him so much.  As our plane was taking off for home it was heart wrenching knowing we were leaving our son, a piece of our hearts, behind.  We were not prepared for just how hard it was going to be to leave him. 

Thank you all for the love and support while we were away, it meant so much to have so many cheerleaders.  I also want to thank my parents for loving on our kids and taking such great care of them while we were gone.  The peace of mind we had was priceless. 

I have a quick update to share:  as I was typing this, I received an email from our agency coordinator saying that should have our adoption decree tomorrow!!  It's only been two weeks since we were in court, it usually takes about 6!! So thankful for more movement. One step closer!

Blessings!

Jean-Claude, Here We Come, Little Man!!!!

On November 20, 2013, I checked Le Mon.  Le Mon is Haiti's legal journal.  Whenever a family receives dispensation (don't ask, just trust that this step was super important!) they post on the legal journal the name of the child the family is adopting.  I had zero notions that my little guy's name would be on that list.  It never is.  Day after day of checking, sighing, begging God a little, that tomorrow would be the day turned into shock, squinting, more squinting and then elation.  There it was, Claudy's precious name on the list.  Apparently we had received dispensation from the President on Nov. 13, it just took a whole week to get it published.  

We are scheduled to travel to Haiti from Jan. 5th through the 10th.  Claudy will be staying with us at the guest house the entire time we are there.  He will also be attending court with us.  We are so excited to be able to have this time with our son.  I have been busy working on creole labels for everything around the house.  Making travel shopping lists......we are so excited to bring him and his friends gifts and treats. I have been working on more paperwork...UGH!!!  But, it's all worth it and I'm thankful because it sure beats all the silence in the waiting!  We are anxious to know how our first initial meeting will be.  From what Diana, our agency director, says, he sounds JUST like our Nathan.  :)  He's very friendly, affectionate, loving and thinks just about anything is fun.  Most of the children in the orphanage have major stranger anxiety, but not our guy.  I say all this knowing full well that all this can change when he sees two strange white people smiling at him and take him to the guest house with them, if you think about it, it's really weird!  When I put myself in his shoes I can't help but grieve for him.  What a major jolt in his little life.  As if being orphaned isn't enough.  Pray for him with us.  

Pray for us as well.  Our kids are feeling a little stress with us leaving, but they're also excited for the movement in this adoption.  I am also having the strangest dreams!  The other night I dreamt that Claudy was a fifteen year old!!  They are also looking forward to face timing with us while we are there.  My wonderful parents are staying with the kids which gives us HUGE peace of mind.  Also, pray for safety, and that this snow will calm a bit while we are traveling so we won't have to cancel our trip!!  

Thanks for the love and support.  We will be able to post pictures when we get back because he will offically be ours!!  

My Rights as an Adopted Daughter of the King

Nate and I are reading a book called "Reclaiming Adoption" written by Dan Cruver, John Piper, Scotty Smith, Richard D. Phillips and Jason Kovacs.  It's probably the single most eye opening book I have ever read.  I always knew, since I was five, that I belong to Jesus, but when your whole entire life is immersed in church and all that goes with it, you tend to (or at least I tend to) get so used to it loses it's wonder.

We started out on this adoption journey because we wanted more children and decided that adoption was a wonderful choice.  Not only would we grow our family and become mommy and daddy to another child, but we would also be joining God as He cares for the orphan.  In this process of adopting another child, God has shown us in such profound ways, the beauty of our adoption by Him through His Son, Jesus.  There is so much to share but I am going to focus on only a few things today. 

In "Reclaiming Adoption" the author writes,

"The Christian life is a lifelong journey of coming alive to the multifaceted freedoms we've been given as the beloved children of God."

How exciting is this statement?  I love the "coming alive" part, because that is exactly what is happening in my heart.  I am so overjoyed that I get to be a precious daughter of the King!  There is a renewing in my heart over what it means to be adopted by God.  

We have legal rights as adopted children of God. "Biblical adoption secures us in a state of objective blessings.  As with our justification, so with our adoption, God generously gives us a stunning status that has absolutely nothing to do with our effort, deserving, or feelings."   

Such love He has for us!  We don't have to do anything to be loved by Him.  Wow.

Finally, Romans 8:15-17 says,

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

"The cry "Abba, Father" reveals a deep awareness of His intimate love for you, an assurance that in every season of life, you enjoy the freedom to say, "Oh God, your mercy had better be a match for my heart, because right now I am a mess."

"Even when we violate our peace with God through selfishness, we have freedom to cry out to Him, to crawl into His lap, to be made whole.  This is why we must continually preach the gospel to our hearts and to one another.  Only in the assurance of God's love for us as Abba, will we surrender all the chaos, weariness, brokenness, and longings of our hearts to him."

Such beautiful and freeing truth!  Oh how He loves us, so freely, so graciously, so mercifully and so perfectly.  

Today, I choose to crawl into His lap and let Him soothe my aching heart as I continue to wait for my son.  I would not change one thing on this journey He has chosen for us.  I am honored that He would care so much for me to really change my heart for His glory.