Love Will Grow

Love will grow

Do you trust me
little boy?
When your merry eyes
seemed dimmed with dreaming
do you grieve?
In their troubled depths
lie memories
of other mothers -
this I know
Do you trust me
little boy?
Realize that after me
there will be
no other Mothers -
that for this human measure
of "forever"
I am yours
Trust me first
my darling...
Love will grow.
- Grace Sandness -

The original poem says "little girl", but I changed it, obviously, because of our little man.  This author, so beautifully put into words, what I could not.  

A Piece of Our Hearts…..

January 5th will forever be etched in my heart.  We arrived in Haiti.  Found the orphanage director holding a sign with our name and in a flurry of activity we were loading up our luggage in her car and on our way.  We had no idea if we were headed to her house to unload and unwind a bit or straight to our little boy.  Communication was difficult, to say the least.  We learned quickly that driving in Haiti is a chaotic, herky-jerky adventure, although we never felt unsafe, the driver was very good.  We also learned that there is absolutely no road rage in Haiti which is very refreshing.  

Okay, wow, got sidetracked there.  Anyway, we had no idea where we were going until we stopped outside a gate.  The driver honked and someone came and opened the gate for us.  I immediately recognized that we were at the orphanage, based on pictures we have.  After we unloaded our luggage (not safe to leave in a car) we stood there for maybe 5 seconds before a door was thrown open by Claudy (kloe-dee).  He came barreling down the stairs right towards us, gave us high fives and promptly started showing us what was in his bag he was bringing for his stay with us.  I was speechless, it felt so surreal that I was finally face to face with this precious child.  He was so outgoing and sweet!  He then helped himself to our luggage and gave them a thorough check. :)  It was at that moment Nate handed him his white hat and to this day, Claudy still wears it.  

It was time to go to the director's house, so we climbed in the car.  Claudy was flip-flopping all over the place because of the driving so I drew him close to me with my arm around to hold him steady.  My heart soared when he willingly settled in and let me hold him.  After about 15 minutes, we were both a sweaty mess so Nate took over, again, Claudy willingly settled into Nate's arms.  We were in tears.

The next few days were a combination of getting to know our son, going to the Embassy to file a form for immigration, going to two courts and visiting the orphanage.  There were wonderful moments of bonding and falling in love and then, not so wonderful moments because we missed naps or communication was shoddy or simply because he's four.  ;)  All in all, we know without a doubt that he is our son.  We still have a lot to do, a lot to plan for and find our new normal once he's home.  One thing we do know for sure is that we miss him so much.  As our plane was taking off for home it was heart wrenching knowing we were leaving our son, a piece of our hearts, behind.  We were not prepared for just how hard it was going to be to leave him. 

Thank you all for the love and support while we were away, it meant so much to have so many cheerleaders.  I also want to thank my parents for loving on our kids and taking such great care of them while we were gone.  The peace of mind we had was priceless. 

I have a quick update to share:  as I was typing this, I received an email from our agency coordinator saying that should have our adoption decree tomorrow!!  It's only been two weeks since we were in court, it usually takes about 6!! So thankful for more movement. One step closer!

Blessings!

Jean-Claude, Here We Come, Little Man!!!!

On November 20, 2013, I checked Le Mon.  Le Mon is Haiti's legal journal.  Whenever a family receives dispensation (don't ask, just trust that this step was super important!) they post on the legal journal the name of the child the family is adopting.  I had zero notions that my little guy's name would be on that list.  It never is.  Day after day of checking, sighing, begging God a little, that tomorrow would be the day turned into shock, squinting, more squinting and then elation.  There it was, Claudy's precious name on the list.  Apparently we had received dispensation from the President on Nov. 13, it just took a whole week to get it published.  

We are scheduled to travel to Haiti from Jan. 5th through the 10th.  Claudy will be staying with us at the guest house the entire time we are there.  He will also be attending court with us.  We are so excited to be able to have this time with our son.  I have been busy working on creole labels for everything around the house.  Making travel shopping lists......we are so excited to bring him and his friends gifts and treats. I have been working on more paperwork...UGH!!!  But, it's all worth it and I'm thankful because it sure beats all the silence in the waiting!  We are anxious to know how our first initial meeting will be.  From what Diana, our agency director, says, he sounds JUST like our Nathan.  :)  He's very friendly, affectionate, loving and thinks just about anything is fun.  Most of the children in the orphanage have major stranger anxiety, but not our guy.  I say all this knowing full well that all this can change when he sees two strange white people smiling at him and take him to the guest house with them, if you think about it, it's really weird!  When I put myself in his shoes I can't help but grieve for him.  What a major jolt in his little life.  As if being orphaned isn't enough.  Pray for him with us.  

Pray for us as well.  Our kids are feeling a little stress with us leaving, but they're also excited for the movement in this adoption.  I am also having the strangest dreams!  The other night I dreamt that Claudy was a fifteen year old!!  They are also looking forward to face timing with us while we are there.  My wonderful parents are staying with the kids which gives us HUGE peace of mind.  Also, pray for safety, and that this snow will calm a bit while we are traveling so we won't have to cancel our trip!!  

Thanks for the love and support.  We will be able to post pictures when we get back because he will offically be ours!!  

My Rights as an Adopted Daughter of the King

Nate and I are reading a book called "Reclaiming Adoption" written by Dan Cruver, John Piper, Scotty Smith, Richard D. Phillips and Jason Kovacs.  It's probably the single most eye opening book I have ever read.  I always knew, since I was five, that I belong to Jesus, but when your whole entire life is immersed in church and all that goes with it, you tend to (or at least I tend to) get so used to it loses it's wonder.

We started out on this adoption journey because we wanted more children and decided that adoption was a wonderful choice.  Not only would we grow our family and become mommy and daddy to another child, but we would also be joining God as He cares for the orphan.  In this process of adopting another child, God has shown us in such profound ways, the beauty of our adoption by Him through His Son, Jesus.  There is so much to share but I am going to focus on only a few things today. 

In "Reclaiming Adoption" the author writes,

"The Christian life is a lifelong journey of coming alive to the multifaceted freedoms we've been given as the beloved children of God."

How exciting is this statement?  I love the "coming alive" part, because that is exactly what is happening in my heart.  I am so overjoyed that I get to be a precious daughter of the King!  There is a renewing in my heart over what it means to be adopted by God.  

We have legal rights as adopted children of God. "Biblical adoption secures us in a state of objective blessings.  As with our justification, so with our adoption, God generously gives us a stunning status that has absolutely nothing to do with our effort, deserving, or feelings."   

Such love He has for us!  We don't have to do anything to be loved by Him.  Wow.

Finally, Romans 8:15-17 says,

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

"The cry "Abba, Father" reveals a deep awareness of His intimate love for you, an assurance that in every season of life, you enjoy the freedom to say, "Oh God, your mercy had better be a match for my heart, because right now I am a mess."

"Even when we violate our peace with God through selfishness, we have freedom to cry out to Him, to crawl into His lap, to be made whole.  This is why we must continually preach the gospel to our hearts and to one another.  Only in the assurance of God's love for us as Abba, will we surrender all the chaos, weariness, brokenness, and longings of our hearts to him."

Such beautiful and freeing truth!  Oh how He loves us, so freely, so graciously, so mercifully and so perfectly.  

Today, I choose to crawl into His lap and let Him soothe my aching heart as I continue to wait for my son.  I would not change one thing on this journey He has chosen for us.  I am honored that He would care so much for me to really change my heart for His glory.  

Financial Home Stretch

It's been four months since we've been matched with our little guy.  I can't believe we've have done that much waiting already.  It could be any day now that we get that wonderful email telling us when we are expected at court in Haiti.  I try not to obsess over my email......it's so hard.  

We weren't going to do any more fundraisers until I found this amazing website, bonfirefunds.com.  There are no upfront costs and anyone with any sort of cause can do this.  I love what they do.  They helped us design the shirt in our fundraiser and I just love it.  The shirt says adopted.  The word "adopt" supports the beauty of adoption and the entire word "adopted" speaks of our adoption by God through Christ.  Cool, right?  Anyway, if you are interested, you can pledge to buy a shirt (or just donate) and if we sell 50 or more shirts by the end of our fundraising period they will print and ship the shirts for us!  All we need is to sell 49 shirts.....we already sold one.  :)  You can check out the website here:

www.bonfirefunds.com/bringing-jean-claude-home

or click on the link at the upper right corner above our family picture.  The last agency fee is $2750 and since we have saved some of our own money and from other donations made we only need to raise $1700.  That's it!  I remember when we were trying to raise $28,000.  We have come so far! 

We would also ask that you pray with us that God move the barriers that are keeping us from our boy.  Haiti is STILL making changes in their adoption process which is slowing things down for us.  So please pray that we will get word that we can go meet him and go to court to officially adopt him.  Thank you for your support!

Rejoicing!!

Our hearts are full to overflowing with the joyous news that our dossier has been submitted to social services in Haiti and........

WE'VE BEEN MATCHED!!

He is a gorgeous little four year old with enormous brown eyes and an infectious smile.  We are already in love and so enamored with him and cannot wait to bring him home someday.  He is just so precious.  His siblings are giddy with joy to have a new little brother.  Unfortunately we cannot post his picture (of his face anyway) until we go to court in Haiti and make him officially a Warner.  

This is a huge hurdle that we've gotten over but there is still a long and probably agonizing wait ahead with new hurdles to jump over but we are so thankful for movement.  We will most likely be traveling to Haiti sometime this summer to meet him and go to court so keep those prayers coming and we will continue to keep you posted.  

Celebrate and thank God with us for this new little blessing He's entrusting to us!

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

The Weight of the Wait

Hey there.  It's been a while, I know.  As you can probably guess, nothing happened for us in March.  *sigh*  That's okay, I really mean it.  About six months into this whole adoption process I was an expert "fit thrower" when things didn't happen as smoothly or fast as I felt it should go.  Ask Nate.  It wasn't pretty.  However, God in His grace and mercy in my life has changed me and I have grown by leaps and bounds.  I used to say things to God like, 

"Look, I'm not getting any younger here."  or
"This wasn't supposed to take this long, there's been a mistake."  or
"Um, God, maybe you didn't see my timeline.....I had the perfect plan!"  or
"Thanks a lot, I thought you cared about this child, what in the world are You doing?"  (Whew, I seriously hate admitting that last one.)

I'm not proud of those things but it's real and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only momma who has felt those things during the wait.  The Lord, in His goodness, has been carefully and lovingly working in me, especially when I've been the most resistant to give everything over to Him.  

I am one of those people that when I want something, I want it. Period.  I will become obsessive over it.  I think that once I have what I'm wanting, then I will be happy.  God has been showing me that He is my only source of Joy.  Yes, I knew it in my head and all the churchy stuff I've been taught all my life, but to really apply it and to really be experiencing true joy I had to see who I am in Him. I didn't just want to know it anymore, I wanted to live it and experience how He sees me.  During the Summit 9 conference at every breakout session and general session I heard how much the Lord delights in me.  Sounds simple, but God used those words to do something deep within me.  I can let go of my timeline for this adoption because my true, pure and lasting joy is the Lord.....and nothing will completely satisfy like God can.  Sure I still want this adoption to happen quickly, but if it had happened when I wanted it to, I'm not sure I could be the mother this little Haitian will need.  

God has done some serious cleaning house inside this momma.  It hurts, it's humbling and most importantly it's freeing.  My heart still aches for this little guy and sometimes the weight of the wait feels unbearable, but then I ask my Father to sustain me and nurture my soul and He always comes through.  

This little boy will walk through our front door at just the right moment, and not a moment too soon.  It will be scary, beautiful and adventurous and I'm thankful I'm not in charge!  

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.
Zeph. 3:17