Three Months Home

Only three months home and this little man is doing amazingly well.  I mean, look at that smile!!

However, it hasn't always been easy.  We read all the books, watched all the videos and went to conferences that spoke of the "not so rosy" side of adoption.  We prepared for the worst.  We were ready to play attachment games with our son to make him feel safe and secure with us as his parents and we are so glad we prepared as much as we did.  We were excited but still very nervous when it came time to pick up Claudy and finally bring him home.  We just didn't know what to expect.  He is five and we are taking him from all he's ever known and we were about to tread on unchartered waters.  

So, as you can all guess or already know, it was amazing to see him and know that he was coming home with us.  The airport was an adventure for him and he had a ball!!  He seemed comfortable with us and was having so much fun.  Lots of smiles and laughs.  We arrived home at one in the morning, our other three kids gave a warm welcome and sleepy hugs then off to bed.  

The first week Claudy seemed confused and a little scared.  Definitely to be expected, but still took us by surprise because of how energetic and happy he seemed on the journey home.  With lots of family games, activities, hugs and cuddles, grace and understanding, he slowly began to pull out of that fog.  Each week something new and challenging would arise, but with lots of hugs, cuddles, paying close attention to teachable moments, grace and understanding, he would be his amazing self and do his best to learn and trust.  This pattern still continues to this day as he grows more comfortable with us.  Note that I wrote hugs and cuddles, grace and understanding twice.  You cannot do this without those things.  It's impossible.  ;)

Claudy also loves to give affection and is a very nurturing little boy.  We will see him be independent and strong but there are many times throughout our days that he just needs to be held, and held tightly.  He thrives on that touch only a momma and daddy can give and we are more than happy to oblige.   We are blessed to see first hand how God is healing this little boy.  We are so happy that we decided to do an older child adoption……we wouldn't change a thing.  Every child deserves the love of a family in their corner.  We are honored to call him our son.

We are still adjusting and figuring things out but we couldn't be happier.  Claudy understands so much English now and he is saying more and more things so it's nice to be able to communicate with him.  We can say that we love him and he knows and he says he loves us too.  He is hilarious, an amazing dancer and very musically inclined.  He loves to draw, sing and wrestle with his "brudder" and Papa. He is as smart as a whip and has a HUGE personality.  I look at all my kids and think that we couldn't possibly be any more blessed.  <3 

Surreal

A little over three years ago I began this blog announcing our international adoption.  I just finished going through all the posts and I am bawling my eyes out.  Wow.  What a journey.  What lessons learned.  I have dreamt of writing this particular blog post since the beginning.  I imagined words of all caps "type screaming" our joyous news that our Haitian sensation is coming home!!  I imagined being jittery and giddy, not knowing what to do with myself because I would be so excited.  For some reason, that's not the case tonight.  This all feels surreal.  (I have to clarify that I wrote this first part the day we found out we could go get him……a few days later the jittery feelings did, in fact, set in. ;)  )

We are so overjoyed that the waiting is finally over, however there is a measure of healthy fear happening in our hearts as well.  Claudy is five, we have missed those important informative years when parents have the best opportunity to help a child build healthy habits.  I do have to say that everyone that has spent time with Claudy say that he has the best temperament.  He seems laid back and has a "go with the flow" mentality, but it's extremely hard to tell how he will be feeling after a couple of months home.  He will go through a grieving period…..after all he's already been through he has to lose everything he's ever known.  We grieve for him.  We pray we will have wisdom in knowing how to help him heal from all the losses in his short five years.  

We also would like to explain to everyone that we will need at the very least, a couple of weeks to lay low and just spend time as a family of six.  We will be doing fun family activities that include all of us so we can begin to bond with Claudy and most importantly, so he can bond with us.  Nate and I will be the only ones to care for him, getting him food, bathing him…..etc.  He needs to know that we are Dad and Mom and he can always count on us to provide for him.  

Our flight leaves tomorrow morning at 6am.  I'm in tears as I think about how this is finally happening and our son will be home with us after three years of this process.  We are so thankful to the Lord for this amazing blessing and giving us another son.  

We will keep everyone posted as best as we can through Facebook and email.  Our deepest gratitude goes out to all of our family and friends who have supported us through prayer, finances and encouraging us when the wait seemed unbearable.  Please remember us after he's home……it will be a huge adjustment and we have been warned that it could get pretty lonely at times.  So please continue praying and keep those encouragements coming our way!  

Until next time……..

Chickungunya

Chickungunya is a virus that is spreading like crazy in Haiti.  Mosquitos are to blame.  Please pray for the people of Haiti. It's a nasty virus that consists of fever, headache and debilitating joint pain that lasts about a week.   Our agency has informed us that it has hit one of their orphanages, BRESMA.  I'm sure it's only a matter of time before it hits AUBE, where our son still sits and waits.   Thankfully it is generally not a fatal virus but an awful one all the same.  One of the infants at BRESMA is currently hospitalized receiving IV fluids because he is so fragile.  Breaks my heart.  Thanks for your prayers!

Happy Birthday

Thinking of this precious one today.  Well, especially today.

He is a big five year old today!  We were almost certain that he would be home with us to celebrate this special day with him.  Honestly, my heart aches so very much today.  Every year on each one of my children's birthdays I custom make a banner just for them. I choose themes they are into for that year. I try to come up with new designs and colors they love and I write a special note, all by hand.  It gives me time to reflect on the past year and pray for them for the coming year. I look forward to it every time.  I had planned Claudy's banner and I think I may still make it today….could be therapeutic.  

To say we miss him seems such a teeny, tiny way to describe what we feel.  We need to come up with a new word for the longing.  Yes, we know God's timing is perfect and yes we know he will come home eventually, but that does not take away our sadness and frustration that he is not here. 

Happy Birthday sweet Claudy.  We love you and can't wait to bring you home.  Soon, son.  Soon.

A Minor Set Back and Things I've Learned

We found out a couple of weeks ago that MOI lost our son's birth certificate.  Ugh.  It's a common occurrence but that doesn't soften the blow.  I had a very bad week last week.  We are praying so hard that we can get him home before his 5th birthday on May 14th.  Our hearts desire is to not let another birthday go by without all of us together.  It's starting to look as if it's a real possibility that it won't work out that way.  We continue to trust in God's timing.  We know, without a doubt, that He knows what He's doing and there is a peace with that.  I used to equate sadness and disappointment with lack of faith.  However, I can still have faith AND feel sad.  I'm human with built-in emotions so it's only natural that I feel discouraged with how things are going.  That is just one of the things that I have learned on this journey. Here's a list of the others:

1.  Throwing a fit over not getting what I want does NOT change God's mind nor does it help any situation. 

2.  Because of my revelation in number 1, I have a closer walk with the Lord AND I still don't have what I want.  Something only He can do.  :)

3.  It's important for me to be disciplined.  Sleeping in until the last minute only encourages a spirit of grogginess in my soul and lack of motivation.

4.  For me, exercise is really important. Instead of sleeping in until the last minute, I get up at 6:30 to help Nate and Kaitlyn out the door and then I exercise.  I actually love it now and miss it when I can't fit it into my day (this my friends, is a miracle!).  I feel great physically and mentally.

5.  Eating right is a must.  Comfort eating was only dragging me down and it did nothing to change the waiting process of this adoption.  Imagine that.    I control what I eat.  I have lost weight and have tons more energy and motivation.  Most of the time.  Hey, I'm human.  

6.  I learned that I can't fret over the people in my life that have hurt me or have seemed to turn their back on us.  God has shown me who is in our corner, cheering us on, and supporting us and He wants me to focus on them.  

7.  I have learned that my kids are amazing.  They have grown so much as they wait for their brother.   They teach me so much everyday.

8.  I love my husband more now than ever.  He is wonderful.  He is my best friend and I can't imagine going through this life without him by my side.  God has blessed me richly.

9.  I have learned what it feels like to have a child living across the ocean, waiting for us to come get him and how heart wrenching that is.  It hits us like a ton of bricks at times, when we least expect it, but God is enough to soothe away the ache.

10.  Cleaning house, a.k.a, myself, is hard work and doesn't feel great.  God has been so gracious to stir up some of the muck in my soul so He can help me get rid of it all.  I will be a better wife and a better mom to all four of my kids.  

11.  Everyday is a gift and I look for all the blessings, they are everywhere.  When you look, really look, you'll be overwhelmed by His desire to give you good things.  

12.  My parents are the best.  I'm thankful for them and what they have done for us all throughout this journey and to see and hear the excitement when we talk about their newest grandson just touches my heart.  I love them so much.

That is just a few of the many things I have come to realize or learn and I can't wait to see what else God wants to teach me.  I have a feeling I will learn MANY new things once Claudy comes home.  ;)  I better hang on tight for the ride!

Please pray we get that new birth certificate soon so we can get back on track!  Thank you!!

To My Son

Dear Claudy,

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table waiting for dinner to be done.  Outside the snow is falling and I'm thinking about you.  I wonder how you will react to your first sight of snow.  Will you even want to venture out and play in it with your siblings?  This is one of the many, many, things I dream about when you come home.  

I'm thinking of you and your sweet little boy-ness.  I remember how goofy and funny you were while your daddy and I were visiting you.  You loved the stickers we brought you.  We cracked up laughing when you grabbed a hat sticker, stuck on the top of your head and did a crazy dance while saying, "chapo".  You taught us yet another creole word.  We still laugh when we talk about how every time daddy used the punching balloon, you always did jumping jacks to the rhythm.  You are so delightfully silly!  Daddy and I always imitate the way you would close one eye half way and had this crooked grin…..we never really new why you did that, but you knew it made us belly laugh so you did it a lot! :)  I hope that when we bring you home you will still sing your sweet little song for us, "day la la, day la la!"  

We still have so much to learn about you, little man, and there is so much growing and bonding that needs to take place in our home.  There will be hard times as well as beautiful moments we will cherish as a family.  I want you to know that we are ready.   All five of us are ready for you to join this family.   To be there for you in every way possible.  Our home will be a place of love, laughter, security, healing…..etc.  I look back to when I was so upset and sad over how long this process was taking.  I naively thought that things would go quickly for us, without a hitch.  HA!!  Was I dead wrong.  I would have not been ready to be the momma I needed to be if it went my way, on my timeline.  Also, we wouldn't have you, my son.  You were so worth the wait.  We are yours.  Our hearts dream of the day you come home.  We love you with all our hearts.

Love,

 Your Momma Blanc   

Jwa Nou

I felt that it was high time I changed the header to this blog.  Those of you following us from day one of our adoption journey, know that we started out with Ethiopia.  The old header said, "Desta", pronounced de-set-ah, means, our joy, in amharic.  The header now says, "Jwa Nou", pronounced, zshwah-noo, means, our joy, in Haitian creole.  It only makes sense to change it.  ;)   

We are feeling joy over the movement in our process.  We will be in MOI soon, which is another MAJOR step in movement for us.  It seems to be going faster than we anticipated.  I think.  Every time I think this, I'm usually wrong.  So, really, only God knows.  :)  We can't wait to get him home.  We can't wait to start the transition.  We know that the hard part really hasn't started yet, but we are ready to roll up our sleeves and get this party started!! 

Keep the prayers coming! 

Love Will Grow

Love will grow

Do you trust me
little boy?
When your merry eyes
seemed dimmed with dreaming
do you grieve?
In their troubled depths
lie memories
of other mothers -
this I know
Do you trust me
little boy?
Realize that after me
there will be
no other Mothers -
that for this human measure
of "forever"
I am yours
Trust me first
my darling...
Love will grow.
- Grace Sandness -

The original poem says "little girl", but I changed it, obviously, because of our little man.  This author, so beautifully put into words, what I could not.  

A Piece of Our Hearts…..

January 5th will forever be etched in my heart.  We arrived in Haiti.  Found the orphanage director holding a sign with our name and in a flurry of activity we were loading up our luggage in her car and on our way.  We had no idea if we were headed to her house to unload and unwind a bit or straight to our little boy.  Communication was difficult, to say the least.  We learned quickly that driving in Haiti is a chaotic, herky-jerky adventure, although we never felt unsafe, the driver was very good.  We also learned that there is absolutely no road rage in Haiti which is very refreshing.  

Okay, wow, got sidetracked there.  Anyway, we had no idea where we were going until we stopped outside a gate.  The driver honked and someone came and opened the gate for us.  I immediately recognized that we were at the orphanage, based on pictures we have.  After we unloaded our luggage (not safe to leave in a car) we stood there for maybe 5 seconds before a door was thrown open by Claudy (kloe-dee).  He came barreling down the stairs right towards us, gave us high fives and promptly started showing us what was in his bag he was bringing for his stay with us.  I was speechless, it felt so surreal that I was finally face to face with this precious child.  He was so outgoing and sweet!  He then helped himself to our luggage and gave them a thorough check. :)  It was at that moment Nate handed him his white hat and to this day, Claudy still wears it.  

It was time to go to the director's house, so we climbed in the car.  Claudy was flip-flopping all over the place because of the driving so I drew him close to me with my arm around to hold him steady.  My heart soared when he willingly settled in and let me hold him.  After about 15 minutes, we were both a sweaty mess so Nate took over, again, Claudy willingly settled into Nate's arms.  We were in tears.

The next few days were a combination of getting to know our son, going to the Embassy to file a form for immigration, going to two courts and visiting the orphanage.  There were wonderful moments of bonding and falling in love and then, not so wonderful moments because we missed naps or communication was shoddy or simply because he's four.  ;)  All in all, we know without a doubt that he is our son.  We still have a lot to do, a lot to plan for and find our new normal once he's home.  One thing we do know for sure is that we miss him so much.  As our plane was taking off for home it was heart wrenching knowing we were leaving our son, a piece of our hearts, behind.  We were not prepared for just how hard it was going to be to leave him. 

Thank you all for the love and support while we were away, it meant so much to have so many cheerleaders.  I also want to thank my parents for loving on our kids and taking such great care of them while we were gone.  The peace of mind we had was priceless. 

I have a quick update to share:  as I was typing this, I received an email from our agency coordinator saying that should have our adoption decree tomorrow!!  It's only been two weeks since we were in court, it usually takes about 6!! So thankful for more movement. One step closer!

Blessings!