The Gift of a Glimpse

Because of recent events and God's leading we have changed countries, or at least we are in the process of making the switch.  The coordinator for this country through this adoption agency, travels at least a couple of times a quarter to stay with the children in this orphanage and she intimately knows each child residing there.  How cool is that?!  She also keeps a blog about her visits and provides pictures of the orphanage and the children there.  As I browsed through the pictures my heart just melted at the sight of the children.  And then it dawned on me.  Maybe, just maybe, I'm getting a glimpse of the face that will join our family.  My eyes look at each one, thinking, this one could be ours, or this one, or these two could be joining our family next year.  I just wish I could go and snatch up every single one, they all need a mommy and daddy.  So as I daydream about our little one or ones, I am praying for them and loving them and can't wait to finally know who they are and start our new life with them.  Their sisters and brother love them too and can't wait to add them to our crazy and happy home!!

It's Getting Clearer!!

I can't begin to tell you how up and down this adoption has been.  Sometimes I feel like God is standing there with His finger on top of my head and He's just spinning me round and round.  Of course that's just the ugly side of how I think sometimes.  He has all the details worked out and it's me making things confusing and difficult because I think it should go one way and He's pointing in another direction.  I have conversations with God in which I have the audacity to tell Him that He's mistaken and we need to work together to get things right.  For instance, we have been working on an Ethiopian adoption since June and we've been happily imagining a little Ethiopian running around our home being a part of the family.  In the last couple of months God has been really working, I mean really working in us.  I pray for closed or open doors, for His will to be done, yet when a door closes I think, "come on God, really?"  "But that  wasn't in the original plan!!"  God really is a merciful and gracious God.  He has been showing me that He hasn't budged from the original plan because it is His plan. I'm the one running around like an idiot trying to formulate my plan and get Him to be on board with it.  He sees the child/ren that are meant to be with us and it's time I relax, enjoy this exciting and humbling experience and know that no matter what I do, how I try to manipulate God (crazy that I would think that could work....sheesh), this isn't going to work out any other way but Gods way.  I'm wearing myself out not trusting.  It's so much better,so much sweeter to be resting in Him and letting Him do the work.  I'm so thankful that He never gives up on me!


As you have guessed from what I've written so far, it looks like it's possible that we won't be adopting from Ethiopia.  We haven't completely ruled it out but God has really opened our eyes to a country where we knew the need was great (there's a need everywhere you turn) but never understood just how bad and awful it really is.  We were told that in this particular orphanage ALL the children are waiting children.  There is not enough families for this program and they are desperately looking for families to adopt from this place.  I am not saying where this is just yet, as we are taking the first steps with applications and really trying to wait on the Lord to see if this is indeed where we are to go. Once it has become so clear that we can't ignore it, we will share with everyone. The cost is about $4000 dollars more than an Ethiopian adoption so there is another challenge but I'm trying not to worry about that, children getting adopted into families is far more important than the money and God has that already worked out......I just really wish He would show me! :)  This adoption would move faster as well which kind of scares me and makes me want to worry about money, but also makes me so super excited and happy at the thought of our child being home before next Christmas!!  Eeeeeeeek!!! So as always, we are asking for prayer as we seek His will and we will be sure to keep everyone updated.  

My Heart Hurts

After looking at and inquiring about countless waiting children my heart hurts.  Some of these websites have video footage of these precious little ones, these have been some of the hardest videos to watch.  Sure, some kids are smiling and talking and very energetic, but then if you look closely into the background you'll notice a little one sitting and staring into space, a little one that looks so unhappy that it's hard to watch.  I'm ashamed to even say that.  It's hard for me to watch?!?  While I'm sitting here in my ridiculously cozy house, under my hand made (by my mother) blanket with my fancy, shmancy mac laptop, watching my tv by the glow of my Christmas tree!?!  While my belly is full, too full, from dinner and snacks?!?  While my three kids are asleep in their own individual beds under their piles of blankets snuggled up with stuffed animals and more than one pillow!?!  Instead of asking for prayer for us to find our child and instead of asking for you to buy coffee or to donate......all I really want from you right now is to pray for the millions upon millions of children that don't have a mommy or daddy to kiss them goodnight or to hear the words "I love you, I think you are the best kid", or to wrestle with or to snuggle on the couch 

with a good book or get a decent meal, or to hear how precious they are in Jesus' sight.  Pray for the children who are victims of human trafficking and for babies abandoned on street corners and kids that are told their worthless and thought of being less than a dog.  Lift them up to the Lord and ask Him to hold them close and to provide loving homes for every single one of them.   

Back on Track. Sort of.

Nate and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that we are to adopt a waiting child.  We are, however, open to adopting from anywhere, not just Ethiopia.  We have inquired about several children already but doors have closed on some of them.  We found out that with Haitian adoptions the adoptive family cannot have more than two kids already living in the home.  Seriously?  Adoptions from Congo have a no children living in the home rule.  Frustrating, but thankful for some clear answers as we sift through ALL our options. We are now home study ready and approved.  We are ready to do this.  To find our child.  There is just one major thing holding us back.  Finances.  Yes, I have to go there.  It's a reality.  Our adoption cannot happen without money and lots of it.  There are kids waiting.  Paper work all set.  Their country's government approval already in place.  So many kids, kids that we want but can't do a dang thing about until the money is in place.  Waiting children adoptions can happen so quickly, faster than us waiting for a match, if the money is there.  I am asking for prayer.  Prayer for people to want to give.  For people to pray for provision, for us to find our child and have clear direction.  We have a way for you to donate right here on our blog.  You can also buy some delicious coffee.......every penny counts.  There is no such thing as a "too small" donation.  We will keep everyone updated.  At this point we could have a picture of our child to share at any moment.  It could take weeks, or months, maybe not for a year, we don't know.  So please pray!  We really appreciate everyone that has been following our blog and who has already been praying for us and for those of you who have given generously.  It means the world to us.

The Detour

Two weeks ago we saw two little faces of children that have already been adopted.  These two little faces needed another home.  The only thing we knew is that they "accidentally" replaced the birth order in the home causing some sort of distress. They both have an attachment disorder and really needed a home and a safe place to heal.  We were convinced that that home was ours. Thus, the two week detour from our paperwork frenzy to get the dossier out to Ethiopia.  But sadly, the parents wanted the kids out ASAP and so they chose a family that lived closer so the process would go much faster.  We were never given a chance.  It hurt and it was extremely difficult to read the words from the adoption counselor, "it's done, it looks like both families will move forward".  

However, we have learned so much during this time.  I was excited to see how God was moving with these two children and how he was obviously moving to get them home to us.  I couldn't believe I was a part of such a miraculous story!!   God did move and He moved the way He wanted to because well, He's God and He can, so there.  Surprisingly I WAS a part of a miraculous story.  This story is so much different than "getting these kids home to us".  This is a story of my heart.  How I can, on one hand say I'm miffed at how all this turned out and it's not fair (saying this to God) and on the other hand feel His peace and know what it's like to truly have the peace that passes all understanding.  For the first time in a long time I didn't throw a mental temper tantrum, I can stay cool and calm on the outside but let me just tell you how ugly I can get on the inside.  Scary stuff.  I have also learned that He says no because He loves us.  Because He created us and knows how we tick and what is going to be the best for us. AND what will bring Him the most glory.

One thing I'm really thankful for is how He has opened our eyes to waiting children.  I might step on some toes with this next thought, but understand, it's just my thoughts and my journey to discover what God wants for me, for my family.  Here we were, working on paperwork, getting ready to send our dossier to Ethiopia to WAIT and be matched with a child that would be (hopefully) a perfect fit for our family.  When we discovered the Second Chances Waiting Children list it opened up a world of thousands of children from all over WAITING for a family to choose them.  Waiting children have paperwork ready to go, ready to be adopted, children that no one seems to want.  Most of these kids are older.  They are labeled "special needs" because they are older or have a sibling.  Nate reminded me last night that there were five families in line for these two little faces.  There is no one in line for these other waiting children.  We are taking it slow, praying fervently for God to direct us to the child/ren that need us the most.  

Where we've been on this journey so far....

I couldn't have said it better myself. These last couple of weeks have been hard, to say the least.


www.nomtwords.blogspot.com

click on the entry titled, Holding the Hand of a Stranger


P.S. I can't figure out how to make the above a link right to his blog, but right now I just don't care.

Roller Coaster Ride

We have been on a very hilly, fast turning and at times, slow moving, herky-jerky roller coaster ride with surprises or disappointments around every turn ever since we began this adoption journey.  It hasn't been easy but I can't imagine not being on this crazy ride.  I'm giddy with anticipation wondering who is meant to be in our family.  I'm worried about attachment issues.  I'm worried about what this child/ren have suffered.  I love the idea of being a mommy again.  I'm honored to be a part of something bigger than myself and being the hands and feet of Jesus.  I'm frustrated with not knowing when we will finally find our child/ren and get them home.  I'm angry that international adoption costs so much.  I'm completely discouraged at how slow the money is coming in.  Yep.  Roller coaster.  Big time.  However, I'm determined to trust and not let my feelings get the best of me.  One thing I do know, it will happen.  Somehow.  Someway.  We are praying for miracles and that God will completely blow our minds during this process.  This is how you can pray for us as well.  So for now we will keep putting one foot in front of the other and work our tails off until our child/ren is/are home.