Second Home Study Meeting Done

We had another successful meeting with our SW this morning.  She interviewed me and Nate individually and each of the kids.  They were so nervous and worried about how it was going to go.  Each one of them came up after their interview with huge smiles on their faces and said how nice she was and that it wasn't so hard.  We told them to just be honest and answer any questions the best they could and they did.  I'm so proud of them!  

I found this meeting particularly resourceful because she told us where we could find a clinic that deals with international adoption.  We will be able to take our son and have him evaluated on every aspect of his being.  Let me just say that I'm relieved to have this information.  I am feeling more and more ready to mother this little boy.  Feeling ready to have respect for his losses and whatever traumatic experiences he may have gone through.  I am feeling more and more ready to walk with him through his adjustments and attachment issues and love him with all I have.  I am developing a fierce mama love for this boy  (you know, the kind that any parent feels with their kids), but I don't have a face yet.  I'm developing a terrible sense of someone else is caring for him when it really should be me and Nate.  My emotions make zero sense right now.  I feel an urgency to just get this done and bring him home as fast as humanly possible and yet I find myself wanting to slow down a bit so our funding for this adoption can catch up.  Waaaaay up.  It's hard.  We all have a love for him.  We sit at our table and look at the empty chair and imagine him sitting there.  We talk about what he might think of this or that, or what he'll do in the snow or how would he like build-a-bear.  Will he prefer stuffed animals or cars?  Building with blocks or legos, or drawing or singing?  Sports or science?  One of the joys Nate and I have in being parents is watching our kids grow, change and watch them discover their own areas of expertise.  We are ready to start all of that with our fourth.  The kids are ready to fill that empty space in our home and hearts with their sibling.  We are praying that God, if it's His will, that He will quickly provide the funds and we will be able to get the rest of the paperwork done and complete the dossier by Thanksgiving.  I know it's a tall order but God can do it, the question is, is that what's best for us?  So, we continue to wait........